Why We Chat: Emotional Safety in Piano Lessons
There’s something I've been asked by a handful of parents and students over the years: why do we spend some of our lesson time chatting instead of focusing solely on piano?
Some of the reasons are very simple:
- Our teacher-student relationship is important and I work to nurture that each week.
- Learning more about my students helps me know more about how to teach them well.
- People often need a moment of conversation and connection to help them transition.
But there’s a bigger reason - that includes a longer answer - and it begins with a question for you:
Have you ever been in a class or lesson and just couldn’t absorb what the teacher was saying? And maybe… it didn’t seem like the teacher even noticed or cared?
This conundrum is incredibly common - especially when learning a difficult subject like piano - and there are very good reasons for it (that are not at all your fault)!
The Amygdala
For years, I’ve looked at this issue (not absorbing information during a lesson) through the lenses of psychology and neuroscience.
A neuroscientist would say,
“There are certain parts of the brain responsible for emotions. The amygdala... processes emotions... and reacts so aggressively to stress that it will physically prevent information from reaching the centers of the brain necessary for absorbing new knowledge.
Even feelings like embarrassment, boredom, or frustration -- not only fear -- can spur the brain to enter the proverbial "fight or flight" mode. The amygdala goes into overdrive and gets in the way of the parts of the brain that can store memories.” (Bernard, Sara)
This is such a helpful viewpoint. The amygdala is very tender for some folks and piano can easily bring up all of the aforementioned feelings. Trust me, I've seen A LOT of big feelings during lessons over the years.
Co-Regulation & Polyvagal Theory
A psychologist would say,
This can look like:
- Being highly attuned and responsive to students’ holistic needs– proactively and in the moment
- Providing scaffolds for things like attention, emotion management, and executive functions
- Modeling and matching the type of engagement and energy required for students to participate in the learning and meet their goals
- Keeping students physically and emotionally safe, which turns down the “fight, flight, or freeze” brain and allows the “open, engaged, learning” brain“ (Center for Whole-Child Education)
What this psychologist is discussing is co-regulation: the interactive process of regulatory support between a caring adult and a child - or a teacher and their student (of any age!). This process is dependent on the teacher actively providing the scaffolding needed for their student to achieve their goals.
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A second psychologist might go a notch further and talk about more recent research: Polyvagal Theory.
“Polyvagal Theory, as articulated by Stephen Porges, suggests humans are always searching for safety… When the nervous system deems an environment safe, the body regulates efficiently to promote restoration and growth by slowing the heart, which inhibits the fight-flight response.” (Trauma Therapist Institute) -and allows us to learn!
Polyvagal exercises like Mindful Presence, gentle Eye Contact and Deep Listening can go a long way toward calming the nervous system (If you'd like to try some of these, here's a great PDF!). It makes sense that these exercises are being used more and more by both classroom and private teachers.
Both of these psychological perspectives - Co-Regulation and Polyvagal Theory - serve as practical tools for keeping the amygdala chill and ready to learn.
The Affective Filter Hypothesis
But lately, I’ve been learning about a third lens that’s outside of the social sciences, and I love the way it ties everything together: The Affective Filter.
The man who came up with this theory - Stephen Krashen - is a linguist! And this theory is part of his Input Hypothesis, which is all to do with the conditions needed to learn a second language. While music is not fully a language, so many of the same principles apply that I’ve found his work to be highly applicable to teaching piano.
“Krashen (1986) cites motivation, self-confidence, and anxiety in the Affective Filter Hypothesis as three categories of variables that play a role in second language acquisition. In essence, when feelings or emotions such as anxiety, fear, or embarrassment are elevated, it becomes difficult for language acquisition to occur… In opposition, when the affective filter is lowered, the feeling of safety is high, and language acquisition occurs.” (Gonzalez, Valentina)
…sounds a lot like the neuroscientists and psychologists, right?
Krashen not only noticed the problem, he provided solutions. He wrote about three main categories for lowering the affective filter:
- Motivation: “Choice, voice and relevance..."
- Self-confidence: “Learners who feel a sense of belonging, value, and respect for their individuality are more likely to have lower affective filters.”
- Anxiety: “Fostering a growth mindset and modeling this mindset with students can help them understand that mistakes are a part of growth in the process of learning.”
He also wrote about what not to do. These are the factors Krashen identified which raise the affective filter and make learning more difficult:
- Error correction
- Forcing output too early
- Isolation
- Embarrassment
- Lack of comprehensible input
All five of these are easily done by an inexperienced teacher during a single piano lesson! (I know because that was me and my peers in my early years of teaching.)
Back to the Questions :)
So how do I help students truly learn the lesson I have planned for that day?
I chat with them. -especially during the first few minutes.
In doing so, I get to really listen to them. I learn when to offer them choices and when to make the choice myself. I gain information about how to best co-regulate with them on that day during that particular lesson.
In other words, I get to attune to them.
Surprisingly, I've found this level of attunement easier to do online. Students are already at home, so I don't need to help them feel safe in a classroom. Instead, the safety challenges are reduced to the many pitfalls that can appear while learning.
Time is Relative
Finally, I've also found that time is a funny thing when it comes to learning and the nervous system. I've seen students focus their entire lesson on learning piano and retain very little and I've seen students who needed to talk for almost half their lesson retain every single detail and even be capable of taking on more than I'd planned.
I keep my goals for the lesson in mind throughout and make adjustments as we go to ensure that I don't just present new material, I actually help them learn it.
by: Sarah Collins, Portland Piano Lessons Owner and Teacher
Register for a Free Piano Lesson today!
But you don't have to take my word for it! 🌈📚
References:
Baker, Sara. “Positive Relationships Build a Foundation for Children’s Learning.” IBE - Science of Learning Portal. December 10, 2024. https://solportal.ibe-unesco.org/articles/positive-relationships-build-a-foundation-for-childrens-learning/
Bernard, Sara. “To Enable Learning, Put (Emotional) Safety First.” edutopia.org. December 1, 2010. https://www.edutopia.org/neuroscience-brain-based-learning-emotional-safety
Bornstein, Marc H; Esposito, Gianluca. “Coregulation: A Multilevel Approach via Biology and Behavior.” National Library of Medicine. July 31, 2023. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10453544/
Brunker, Lauren. “Strategies That Help Students Manage Transitions.” edutopia.org. July 9, 2021. https://www.edutopia.org/article/strategies-help-students-manage-transitions
Callard, Abby. “What is Co-Regulation and What Does It Look Like in the Classroom?” Center for Whole-Child Education. March 22, 2022. https://turnaroundusa.org/what-is-co-regulation-and-what-does-it-look-like-in-the-classroom/
Du, Xiaoyan. “The Affective Filter in Second Language Teaching.” CCSE, Vol. 5, No. 8. August 2009. https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/3e88/421bfd86a4277000892199772c566282915f.pdf
“Engaging Polyvagal Theory Exercises.” Trauma Therapist Institute. January 7, 2025. https://www.traumatherapistinstitute.com/blog/Engaging-Polyvagal-Theory-Exercises-PDF-Available
Gonzalez, Valentina. “What Is the Affective Filter, and Why Is it Important in the Classroom?” Seidlitz Education. September 22, 2020. https://seidlitzblog.org/2020/09/22/what-is-the-affective-filter-and-why-is-it-important-in-the-classroom/
“Input Hypothesis.” Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Input_hypothesis
Krashen, Stephen D. “Principles and Practice in Second Language Acquisition.” sdkrashen.com. 2004. https://www.sdkrashen.com/content/books/principles_and_practice.pdf
McGaugh, James L; McIntyre, Christa K; Power, Ann E. “Amygdala Modulation of Memory Consolidation: Interaction with other Brain Systems.” November 2002. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12559833/
Ni, Hui. “The Effects of Affective Factors in SLA and Pedagogical Implications.” Academy Publication. July 2012. https://www.academypublication.com/issues/past/tpls/vol02/07/25.pdf
Porges, Stephen W. “Polyvagal Theory: Current Status, Clinical Applications, and Future Directions.” National Library of Medicine. June 22, 2025. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12302812/